We are firmly in the throes of the New Year, and many of us have (yet again) decided to set new goals. Admittedly, I’ve never been someone to set new goals at the start of the year — I’ve never been that organized.
However, this year’s different.
On January 1st, I made my way to the local Target and purchased myself an overpriced Moleskin planner. And I’ve stuck with it…so far.
One of the goals I’ve set for myself is to exercise each day. Yesterday, I walked for an hour — something I’ve probably never done in my life. As a hockey coach, I don’t spend a whole lot of time running. I’m usually skating.
But that’s beside the point.
The point here is that during my walk yesterday, I listened to a conversation between Sam Harris and a gentleman named Jack Kornfield — who trained as a Buddhist monk and received a PhD in clinical psychology.
The conversation circled around the concept of enlightenment and the various traditions of meditation in the East. And Kornfield mentioned a short dialogue that has been lodged like a sliver in my brain since I heard it.
Here it is:
Ajahn Chah points to a big boulder and asks a disciple, “See that large rock over there?”
“Yes,” says the disciple.
“Do you think it’s heavy?” continues Ajahn Chah.
“Yes, it’s very heavy!” replies the student.
“Well… it’s not heavy if you don’t pick it up!” smiles Ajahn Chah.
Of course, Ajahn Chah — a 20th century Thai Buddhist monk — was not talking about picking up a literal boulder (sorry Sisyphus!).
The message is a metaphor for our propensity to bite off more than we can chew. This becomes especially apparent during the New Year, when we trick ourselves into believing that we can somehow change our habits overnight.
This is probably why our resolutions fizzle before they really get off the ground: we assume we can just jump into a new thing without establishing a routine.
It almost always fails.
I’ve been caught in the misery of lugging around too many boulders many times before. My boulders tend to be writing projects dreamed up in states of euphoria — typically while enjoying a cup of coffee.
But then reality sets in, the caffeine wears off.
It’s not feasible for me to write four books in a single year, but for a beautiful moment, however brief, I convince myself it’s not only possible, but essential.
I’ll leave the four-books-per-year resolution to Stephen King.
This year, I’ve set a goal of writing a memoir. My second book of fiction has just been published, and while I’m very proud of it (go get yourself a copy!), I need a little break from fiction.
Therefore, I’ve decided to turn my writing inward in an attempt to make some sense of my 31 strange years on this planet.
In planting this goal, I’ve relieved myself of the host of other boulders that could have rolled into my life. I could have tried to write a third fiction novel, reach 50,000 subscribers on YouTube, or even land an literary agent. And while all these are nice goals — and I’d be thrilled if they happened — I’m not concerned with them this year.
I just want to spend time writing about my own life.
I’m sure some of you have high aspirations for 2024, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s important to be realistic.
There’s almost no worse feeling than setting extremely high goals over a cup of coffee, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed to pieces after the caffeine wears off.
Trust me, I know.
My two big goals: exercise every day and write a book.
What about you? What are your goals?
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I wrote a memoir two years ago (when I was 31) and it was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had. Until that point I was obsessed with childhood traumas (and my self centered issues in general), but writing my story once and for all, having it in one place, even though no one published it (which was probably for the best anyway), made me free of my past, and no longer obsessing over it. Good luck and have fun with yours.
As for my own resolution, I’m gonna be a bit more modest and exercise twice a week, do the 5-2 diet, and meditate more.
I loved the dialogue you shared in this post. Stay away from the boulders ✊